ROCKTOBER

Brutal Legend (umlats not included) came out this week and I am all jealous that I can't get it. The demo makes it look like a wicked fun hilarious version of God of War. Mr. Serious Kratos is replaced by Eddie voiced by the hilarious Jack Black. In the demo there is a part where you are driving a car around this giant worm-thing. When the worm-thing hits your car and you go flying through the air you hear JB yelling "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck." It's funny cause that's exactly what I was thinking of yelling at that point. Later you drop a gate on the "head" of the worm-thing and Eddie slides in yelling "Decapitatiooooon" in his metalist voice. AWESOME.


Other stuff is out too, like Demon's Souls. That game is supposed to be punishingly difficult, which is cool, cause I am sick of just having my hand held through games. But what do you want from a guy that has been playing Little Big Planet for the past little while. I need difficulty, and DEATH!

Anyway, Olympics are in Vancouver and it's all over the TV, the internet, books, the newspaper, and yo mama.. Victoria must, yet again, be telling all their friends "But I'm the capital of the province, why does Vancouver get all the action?" The answer is because no one likes Victoria. Moving on, there is nothing interesting about the Olympics. I mean, I guess it's cool cause like, countries win medals and stuff, but Winter Olympics especially are just another hockey tournament for me. I don't really care if Canada gets a bronze in Woman's cross-country skiing. Do you? Does anybody other than the hardest core cross-country ski fans? Some of these sports aren't even interesting, like figure skating. Isn't bowling in the summer Olympics? BOOOOORING. There are Olympics people, however, they are JUST SO INTO THE OLYMPICS. Mainly because (a) they are into one of the sports and are just like "Shit, bobsledding or swimming is on TV only once every four years!" or (b) They just love sports and/or hype. These are the people that are like "Man, I was watching the darts championships the other day, and Nord Jokkussen is awesome!"

Dummies.

Hey Look, Something I Was Told To Like.

Moving on. What's the deal with giving props to whatever high budget video game happens to come out that week? I am looking at you Gamespot. Sure, there are tons of yes men in the review game, but what the fuuuuuuck? Why is this game getting accolades out the ass? You have infinite ammo, pretty much nothing can kill you (I played the demo, so I might have had an overpowered character), and you just fire tons of electricity around. I really like blowing shit up as much as the next social reject, but mucho explosions does not a good game make.

I dunno, I don't identify with a main character that looks like he belongs in the audience of some amateur MMA event and handles like the national parkour champion. Some mouth-breathers have gone so far as to say this game has the "best storyline since Bioshock." First of all, Bioshock has one of the best storylines in history. There is no way Skinhead McLightningbolt can compete with Andrew Ryan. Second of all, since when do sandbox games get storyline points? If you can do anything in any order you like, then the story is a set of main missions surrounded by side quests that don't really matter. How can you have a wicked story when most of it doesn't really matter? I haven't played the game, but I am just comparing it to, say, GTA or Oblivion. Side quests are something like this: "Can you help me? Good. Kill/Steal/Retrieve/Go to Objective. Then Return." After this, the king is still dead, the city is still fucked, and you still have a job to do. Story not advanced.

Let's see something that isn't the same old bullshit. Lets see something new, something fresh, or maybe something not completely new but with a bit of imagination in the concept. On topic, maybe Alan Wake will make it onto the PS3 through some magical happenings in the land of dick-swinging and the Halo freaks won't have something else to hold onto that they can't appreciate... like the Fallout 3 DLC... Grumble.