The True Meaning of Christmas is...

... Beating Resident Evil 4 on Professional difficulty, obviously. I often think about these time-honoured traditions, such as battling the Village Boss (whatever his name is) to get the eye and dying a couple of times because I am too cocky, and I think "How could I ever have these valuable rituals if I had kids?" The answer is that I couldn't, they would be eating the controllers and shitting all over the game.



He's comin' over to babysit.

My dear friends recently had a little girl, some other friends of mine (less dear, but still okay) recently announced that they are expecting a round little baby. The first couple don't play video games so the baby can be their new hobby, but the second couple are pretty selfish! I mean, coooome on. This guy is late to everything! How is he supposed to look after a baby when all he wants to do is play Arkham Asylum?

Anyway, all babies and video games aside, the true meaning of Christmas is to watch Christmas movies just because you can. Cancel your motherfuckin' plans, sit your fat ass down, and watch the greatest movie of them all "A Christmas Story." Not because it is a good movie, because you have nothing to do. It's even got rabbits!



Oh Aunt Martha, when will you learn?

I can hear you now "O, BFG, I would if I could but I have to do X, Y, and Z." I don't care, cancel that shit and chill out. Christmas break isn't about doin' stuff, it's about doin' nothing or slightly more than nothing, such as beating a game you basically have memorized for the 80th time.