"Next Blog"

I clicked on "Next Blog" up at the top of the page a couple of times to test what came up. Let's say I did this about 10 times. 6 of those 10 times, the blog that came up revolved around food, exclusively food. One was some single mom sharing recipes, another was a couple and their food-related travels, and another was a guy that really likes bacon.

Avid food blog reader.

3 of those 10 blogs were religious in some way. The 3 I saw were Christian, but I am sure there are Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, Sikh blogs, etc. These were the boring ones.

1 of 10 was a completely pointless blog that I didn't want to read. Kind of like this one. Which led me to wonder, what makes a popular blog? There's the obvious: Being famous, appealing to a subculture, being associated with a bigger more popular website. But what is a small timer to do? Here's the answer: Nothing. There is nothing desirable about having a popular blog. A wise man once said "Fans are clingy complaining dipshits that are never happy no matter how many concessions you give them." Why would you want a bunch of people reading your blog that you don't get paid for? So they could say things like "Gee whiz, that was a long time since your last entry, why don't you type entries most regularly so that I can complain that they aren't even MORE frequent"? You don't need that!

Get away from us, we don't like you anymore.




Anyway, point of the post: We, as a people, need to stop being so fucking obsessed with food that we devote entire blogs to it. What the fuck?

The True Meaning of Christmas is...

... Beating Resident Evil 4 on Professional difficulty, obviously. I often think about these time-honoured traditions, such as battling the Village Boss (whatever his name is) to get the eye and dying a couple of times because I am too cocky, and I think "How could I ever have these valuable rituals if I had kids?" The answer is that I couldn't, they would be eating the controllers and shitting all over the game.



He's comin' over to babysit.

My dear friends recently had a little girl, some other friends of mine (less dear, but still okay) recently announced that they are expecting a round little baby. The first couple don't play video games so the baby can be their new hobby, but the second couple are pretty selfish! I mean, coooome on. This guy is late to everything! How is he supposed to look after a baby when all he wants to do is play Arkham Asylum?

Anyway, all babies and video games aside, the true meaning of Christmas is to watch Christmas movies just because you can. Cancel your motherfuckin' plans, sit your fat ass down, and watch the greatest movie of them all "A Christmas Story." Not because it is a good movie, because you have nothing to do. It's even got rabbits!



Oh Aunt Martha, when will you learn?

I can hear you now "O, BFG, I would if I could but I have to do X, Y, and Z." I don't care, cancel that shit and chill out. Christmas break isn't about doin' stuff, it's about doin' nothing or slightly more than nothing, such as beating a game you basically have memorized for the 80th time.