Too Many Mutha-Ucka'z Uckin' Wit Ma Shee.

Who would ever recommend a Michael Cera movie, I mean COOOME ON. Jack Black is a man I view as a sometimes comic genius but I will not watch Year One because Cera's awkward ass is going to be mumbling and bumbling around the screen all stupidly.

Look at him:


What a chump. I thought he was funny in Arrested Development, we all did. He was kinda awkward, kinda quirky, I thought "What a great character." Then I realized, it's not a great character when Cera is the same character in every movie! He's just being himself! That's not acting, that's just reading lines. Unfortunately, he gets paid more than me, which just shows how mental the world's incentive scheme is.

Let's all boycott Year One. O wait, you won't, because everyone is an asshole except me! Please Hollywood, tell me what to like! I eat this shit up when you feed it to me, here's my $12.50.

Hey Look, Something I Was Told To Like.

Moving on. What's the deal with giving props to whatever high budget video game happens to come out that week? I am looking at you Gamespot. Sure, there are tons of yes men in the review game, but what the fuuuuuuck? Why is this game getting accolades out the ass? You have infinite ammo, pretty much nothing can kill you (I played the demo, so I might have had an overpowered character), and you just fire tons of electricity around. I really like blowing shit up as much as the next social reject, but mucho explosions does not a good game make.

I dunno, I don't identify with a main character that looks like he belongs in the audience of some amateur MMA event and handles like the national parkour champion. Some mouth-breathers have gone so far as to say this game has the "best storyline since Bioshock." First of all, Bioshock has one of the best storylines in history. There is no way Skinhead McLightningbolt can compete with Andrew Ryan. Second of all, since when do sandbox games get storyline points? If you can do anything in any order you like, then the story is a set of main missions surrounded by side quests that don't really matter. How can you have a wicked story when most of it doesn't really matter? I haven't played the game, but I am just comparing it to, say, GTA or Oblivion. Side quests are something like this: "Can you help me? Good. Kill/Steal/Retrieve/Go to Objective. Then Return." After this, the king is still dead, the city is still fucked, and you still have a job to do. Story not advanced.

Let's see something that isn't the same old bullshit. Lets see something new, something fresh, or maybe something not completely new but with a bit of imagination in the concept. On topic, maybe Alan Wake will make it onto the PS3 through some magical happenings in the land of dick-swinging and the Halo freaks won't have something else to hold onto that they can't appreciate... like the Fallout 3 DLC... Grumble.

Freezer Repair Apprentice

Yes! I finally got my apprenticeship in freezer repair!

It's funny because I wasn't really trying to, I just keep having to turn the damn thing off to clear out the ice that is blocking the fan about once a month, and now I have logged enough hours to finally be a qualified apprentice!

In other news, my professional team of badasses has been scooped by someone from Montreal. Scooped in the long-term sense of the word, since we are about 1.5 years behind. In an effort to salvage something of this disaster of Hindenburg-esque proportions, I will be pulling a rabbit out of my ass.